hey its been a long time!

I haven't heard from some of you? How is everyone? I have been busy working and updating my own personal soap opera. I am trying to get the toddsparrow gift baskets together at a reasonable time. Does anyone have any ideas for this community...any contests or topics we should openly dicuss, any dominique Swain news? Just wondering, if there are any ideas I want to make this place great!

he was everything that I wanted (why? what was it that I needed?)

You know I started thinking about my highschool crush recently...Its hard to understand why I liked him. Ok, I still think about him all the time, at least once a day. I really don't have feelings like that for him, but he really confuses me. guys don't have this affect on me unless they are celebrities, meaning they are unattainable. So because I know I will never be or be with anyone famous, I openly lust for them and give it a year and then its over. I mean besides the fact he was extremely attractive, smart, and opinionated means nothing. I mean I went out with sean atkinson for god's sake. I think I liked this kid because he challenged me, not me personally, but he made me think. I hated and loved him for it. He was just I dunno...so cool. There was no other way to describe it. He was friendly and easy going which made me melt. He was opinionated and sorta rebellious and full of himself, and oddly enough that was really hot. I would get so pissed off when he would blow off the music classes we had together,it was so disrespectful but I don't think I would have felt the same if he hadn't. If he hadn't been such an ass during band and music theory in highschool, would I have melted the way I did? I told you I am weird like that. I went from being really happy about finally having a crush on someone during my last year of highschool, to becoming very depressed. Even though I saw him walk passed me everday he too was unattainable . He was good looking and intellegent...I am only borderline some of those things. Plus he had a girlfriend and I hated her. I shouldn't have I didn't know her, and it wasn't like I was going to make a move, but I didn't want her to have him either. It also doesn't help when your sister tells you that his girlfriend is dumb and treats him like shit. Or when you see him making out with his girlfriend right in front of you on the verge of having sex right in the choir room. I wanted to be that girl. I have always wanted to be that girl. In the same sense Why would he want a full figured simpleton like me when he could have petite dancing bitch? Cause guys like the one I liked Like challenging girls too. By the way I don't mean that intellectually speaking.
Its been almost two years, I am quite sure I will never see him again. I guess I am sad because I am chicken shit. I guess I am sad also that he wasn't as grand as he seemed. At least no one could touch my daydreams of him. Well I found out last christmas that the boy I found to be so perfect, the one who was all over his girlfriend, was all fucked up on drugs had a fling with another guy, a guy who supposedly had a crush me. So not only were my make-believe dreams crushed but also this guy was not only cheating on his girlfriend, he's cheating with other men. I dunno Its bizzare why am I attracted these people. I have only ever heard a man say he loved me once, and that was a weird online thing that I had no feelings for that man he was only my friend. I wonder when will it be my time to step out of this poor cycle of weird guys, and get gutsy! When Will I find the right guy, at least the right one for a little while. Its been almost 20 years....I know I am worthy, I haven't been able to see it in myself until college. I am something and I am someone good, when will my opposite see it in me? I know I shouldn't worry but I feel behind in some way.
I have these dreams I have had 3 of them. One in france, one in mexico and one in the snow. I am with this man but i can never make out his face, I wanna know when I can see his face! where are you, Why is it taking you so long? someone let me know when he arrives!

the winning story! By Coke_friend

Todd Sparrow.... he consumes our souls.
he leads our existence.

I've gotten tread upon by him recently.

He is who you love.
He can't do any wrong.
Even when he's trying to fuck your best friend.
He is every girl's weakness in men.
When your'e fucking him you feel like youre the only one in the world for him.
How could he possibly want anyone else?
You are beautiful, and everything he wants.
Until youre done, and he leaves.
He gives you a ride home, after he's slept with you. He gives you that sleepy, sexy, lustfilled smile.
Your heart and panties melt.
He is everything.
You are the only people on earth.
Who cares if there are cars behind us?
Take me now.
Being around him thrills you, and makes you feel complete.
He calls you when he's drunk, every night. He even calls in the morning on his way home from his friend's party.
Just to talk to you.
He becomes everything.
You'll stop your life for him.
You always laugh together. And when he puts your hand on your back, you know you're already melting in his hands.
He brings the passion to the surface.
He brings the lust and sexual aggression out.
Your hands all over him. His hands all over you.
Everything is perfect.
He feels perfect.
He acts perfect.
He then stops calling.

and six months later, after contemplating too many suicides to count, you hear from his friend that he got a girl pregnant, and was with her for a few months, but recently broke up with her.

and you realize you got thrown out.
and you cry because it could have been you who got pregnant. and you cry more because if you HAD gotten pregnant, he would have been there with me. and maybe taken care of me.
but you didn't get pragnant. and you AREN'T throwing your life away.
You're going to go to college, and meet more men.
He was only the second.
But he was more than everything to you.

He seems so unattainable at first.
He then pays attention to you.
You fall in love.
You feel perfect with him around.
And then nothing.
And you're alone.

Todd Sparrow has fucked you over.
Because he likes them young and small.
But you never acted your young age.
And you've always had a full figured woman's body.
Todd Sparrow used you like he's used so many others.
But this couldn't possibly happen.

But I loved him.
And he's hurt me.
Struck me to the core.

So you can't really be safe from losers, can you?
You were the only one for him. You made him so god damn happy.
You've never felt so happy.
But now you can't get by one day without thinking of him.
Todd Sparrow left you.
You were never good enough.
  • Current Music
    only hope~switch foot

End of contest

I was sorta sad to only get 3 stories in for my contest, but Alas they were all beautiful stories. I can only choose 2 winners though. The winners are Lori charmedream 1sr runner up and Mary coke_friend  1st place. Mary wrote a beautifully written story from her past experience, I am sure many people can relate to. I will post it later today when I have access to my own computer. Congradulations girls, you will be getting your prizes sometime next month but I need you to submit your personal info via e-mail britegrl03@hotmail.com . I hope more of you get involved in the contests to come!




cokefriend  wrote me a beautiful story!  I have it saved so when the contest is over you can read it! Get your stories out there we want to know about you! Cokefriend that was truly magnificent. you and patsy have made the andrea marrs everywhere stronger!


Guys I need Stories! Please send me your Toddsparrow stories! I have only got one and that makes me soooooo sad. There will be prizes and good stuff please send me your stories! Send them too thecolourgreenismyheart@hotmail.com hope to hear back from some of you!