Its been almost two years, I am quite sure I will never see him again. I guess I am sad because I am chicken shit. I guess I am sad also that he wasn't as grand as he seemed. At least no one could touch my daydreams of him. Well I found out last christmas that the boy I found to be so perfect, the one who was all over his girlfriend, was all fucked up on drugs had a fling with another guy, a guy who supposedly had a crush me. So not only were my make-believe dreams crushed but also this guy was not only cheating on his girlfriend, he's cheating with other men. I dunno Its bizzare why am I attracted these people. I have only ever heard a man say he loved me once, and that was a weird online thing that I had no feelings for that man he was only my friend. I wonder when will it be my time to step out of this poor cycle of weird guys, and get gutsy! When Will I find the right guy, at least the right one for a little while. Its been almost 20 years....I know I am worthy, I haven't been able to see it in myself until college. I am something and I am someone good, when will my opposite see it in me? I know I shouldn't worry but I feel behind in some way.
I have these dreams I have had 3 of them. One in france, one in mexico and one in the snow. I am with this man but i can never make out his face, I wanna know when I can see his face! where are you, Why is it taking you so long? someone let me know when he arrives!